"An overnight success is 10 years in the making."

ITU CAMTRI American Cup Magog

Warning: This is more of a reflection than a race report. Still should be an interesting read!

This has been quite a string of rough results. I was so ready to post a breakout race or even just a step in the right direction. Fitness is there, individually all three sports have been going well and feeling better than ever. The puzzle pieces to an amazing race are still being organized. Could it have been the 3 crashes in our pack? Maybe the food poisoning last weekend? Perhaps the mid swim panic attack mid-swim cost me the vital seconds to hit the main pack?

What do I think it is? I can't nail it down to an exact reason and I don't want to use them as excuses. I think it goes to a deeper level. Fear. I'm on the edge of failure/success all the time. I put the pressure on myself to excel at every race. I love it all I really do, I'm not a huge fan of "learning" experiences or paying my dues because it's hard. I train with some of the best, I put out the numbers, the splits, the time. However, it doesn't quite add up yet.

So I think it is time for me to step up a different aspect of my training. The mental aspect. I have claimed to be tough. Which in my own right I can grind it out with the best. The missing piece though is the daily more on the time details of the mental game. This isn't my first time having a panic attack mid-swim, and it won't be my last if I don't do something about it. I think it's a combination of fear of losing the pack, getting thrashed around, and lack of oxygen. While putting in yards alone will maybe increase my confidence during the swim. I know I must also take a new outlook on how I train with groups. I need take myself out of the comfort zone more and more, work on getting through that moment when it comes.

The bike is tricky. I am getting stronger and stronger. My technical skills are getting better with the group rides and crit racing. What I'm lacking is the ability to take reins when conditions aren't ideal. I fear a crash way more than I should. Especially in the rain or when I see a few crashes right next to me. Today I know I upset a few members in ny pack. I was a powerhouse, putting people in the red. Then was a wimp at every corner. Losing ground in the wet technical back area, making up and passing people on the hills and straights. I just can't see myself crashing again. I haven't had anything more than a few slideouts and some minor road rash, but I ride like it is the first time taking a corner once the ground is wet. So maybe that means going back to the basics and doing cornering, taking more risks and gaining the confidence. I am already planning an adjustment to get me indoors to get power rolling on the trainer. However, now I see I need a confidence building day where I take risks and get low.

The run will always be my baby, and today was not really an exception. I was smoothly rolling. Not out of control, but not out of the race. My only complaint was I didn't tear through the field like I have in past. I cruised myself to a top 20 run, but it was slightly unsatisfying. I would like to have more go to the well workouts/consistent hard workouts that challenge my mind and body. Just to give my back my edge. Hoping to change the way our run group trains a little bit to be conducive to that kind of training. Train hard, recover hard.

Which brings me to my final aspect. Why I do races has been slightly shifting back and forth. I absolutely love what I do, earning a paycheck doing it isn't so easy. The fear of messing up a race weekend because I want a chance to earn money has began to way down on me. I want to safely move my mind more towards the competitive side of mind which is always firing. Keeping the love of the sport ahead of the money. I always go back a video of Crowie Alexander in which it took 10 years of being broke before turning a profit being a professional triathlete. (For the that don't know he was an Ironman World Champion)

I will keep you posted on what I dive I to for mental training, and how the process is going. If you have an books or methods you swear by I love to intake knowledge at all times. Currently reading Running Within, which is what prompted me to look past a rough performance and see it wasn't perhaps the fitness this time around.

Other than that Magog did not fail to amaze me again. This time I was lucky enough to experience it with Austin and Rebecca to go along with my dad who made the trip up. It is truly an amazing venue and I plan to make the trip again at some point. I am so blessed and thankful I get to chase my dreams across the world. I will never give up on my passion. Expect me to be out there again in the near future putting my body through lots of pain and somehow loving it. Thanks again for all the support, couldn't do it without you.